Lust is a battle for us all. Christians – both men and women – have struggled with it for generations.

Most people have come to equate lust with sexual desire. In many cases in Scripture, lust does refer to illicit sexual desire (1 Pet. 4:3). Consequently, if we are not struggling with illicit sexual thoughts or behavior, we assume

we are free from lust. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The word in the New Testament that is translated “lust” means strong desire. The word can be used to describe a legitimate, godly desire. Jesus said to His disciples: “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer” (Luke 22:15 ). Elsewhere Paul said he strongly desired to depart this life to be with the Lord (Phil. 1:23 ), and yet he also strongly desired to be with his friends ( 1 Thess. 2:17 ). Strong, passionate, eager desire or lust is not inconsistent with God’s purpose for our lives.

On the other hand we know from the Bible and from experience that a strong desire, or lust, can be immoral and destructive. I spoke to a thirty-five-year-old man, “Craig”, who had fought an obsession with pornography since he was eight years old. He was alternately victorious and then overwhelmed by his lustful desires. His occasional lapses endangered his ministry and threatened his relationship with his family.

But this man’s battle with lust was not confined solely to sexual pictures and mental images. In fact, his lust manifested itself in workaholism, extreme absorption in hobbies and reading, and an obsessive desire to please others. To focus too narrowly on his sexual lust would have caused us to lose the bigger picture of his battle with addictive desires.

An out-of-balance lust is any legitimate desire that blocks our ability to serve God and others. For example, a student who is so consumed by getting good grades (a legitimate desire) that he is unable to spend time pursuing God is consumed by an out-of-balance lust. Likewise, a neighbor who can’t say no to her friend’s desire to go to a movie is equally imbalanced in her lust for acceptance.

Defined in this way, no one is free from the battle with lust. Why do we battle so often with its forces? And why do those battles yield so little fruit and victory? In other words, why is lust so hard to change?

What is required for destructive lust to be transformed into passionate, lively, and loving desire for God and others? I don’t believe there are pat answers or even easily- articulated steps that relieve our battle with the flesh. The ultimate cure is Heaven; until then, all change and certainly all steps are mere approximations of what is involved in knowing God and being transformed by His presence. Yet I can offer a few tentative thoughts to help begin the process of change.

1. Face the problem.
Addictive lust feeds on the darkness of denial. “I’m not an alcoholic. I just drink to sooth my nerves – or to feel more relaxed.” “I may masturbate a lot, but doesn’t everyone at one time or another?” “I know I work too late, but it’s only until I get more settled in my job.” Deception is the ally of lust in that it allows us to serve both mammon and God and make it look as if all is well.

2.Wrestle with your heart as well as your behavior.
Without question, lust will not be changed without a willingness to discipline the will. I must be willing to fight, scratch, and claw toward holiness (1 Pet. 4:1-3). If I can’t say no to the temptation to eat, then I ought to avoid situations where my lust will be given room to flourish. I must make the right choices.

3. Learn to love.
Honesty and repentance are crucial to change. The ultimate antidote to lust, however, is love. It is very, very difficult to destructively lust after someone you love. It is very hard to lust after something that does damage to someone you love. Lust is a consuming and absorbing possession of someone in order to dull our own pain rather than a delighting in and enhancing of another.
The passion of the gospel will eventually overrule and defeat the destructive lust of consumption. The pursuit of holiness will become far more than a desire to do right but a desire, or a “lust”, for the character and beauty of God. In that sense, the gospel frees us to lust after what our hearts are made for, godliness, rather than after that which leads to decay, death, and despair. Godly lust leads to life. In that sense, go and lust well.

Here is a topic that is seldom discussed in Christian circles but certainly one very applicable to the single life. I do not find a “black and white” answer in the Bible, but there are some elements that we can draw out of it. Let me share some personal perspectives first.

Sex feels good, there is no denying it. Little infants when discovering their genitalia will let their hands travel back there over and over, simply because it feels good.

I as a woman have a pretty intense sex drive...and I do believe there are many women out there that share my overdrive.  I was also single by default for a good portion of years as I am married to a Truck Driver. Gone for weeks at a time. 

The Bible tells us not to lust after another even by looking at her with the intention to have sex . Masterbation is one form of sexual activity.  I don't feel that masterbation in itself is sinful or wrong.  But its our heart and mindset that can go off into areas that it can become out of control.

Nearly all  begin to masturbate regularly during their teenage years. There is a balance that must be learned to keep this a positive activity in your life. All of us during puberty, get a strong interest in other peoples' bodies. Lust needs to be controlled.

Some scripture:

Matthew 5:28 God tells us not to look upon a woman to lust after her, for to do so is to already commit adultery in our hearts. The scriptures are very clear in how He feels about adultery.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us that our body is the temple of God (for those who have become His children) and that whatever we do we should glorify God.

So how does a single not lust, glorify God and handle the sexual urges that are “natural” in his or her body? Oh, you want me to give you the answer? I suggest that it is a moment by moment, thought by thought process – and ongoing. It is not something to be answered once and for all. How we handle any thought is part of our Christian living and should be approached and carried out differently than others who are not adopted by Him.

You will need to develop your own understanding in how to handle this subject for your single life. God made you – sexual drives and all. Ask Him to lead you in honoring these drives in a healthy and pure way.

Note: The answers provided in this site are intended to be as one provided by a personal individual. It is NOT intended to take the place of a licensed counselor or Dr.. Dawn encourages all who are seeking to resolve deeply rooted psychological, emotional or behavioral needs to seek the services of a trained and licensed counselor. The answers provided in this web blog are intended to be words of encouragement and spiritual guidance as well as the sharing of Dawn's personal experience.

Love and Laughter,

Dawn Marie

©2005 Daybreak Ministries. All rights reserved.

(Thank you for nominating my blog again!! I appreciate all of you )

How far can you go without a marriage license? It would be really nice if the Bible said "with thy lips together thou may kiss, but with thy lips parted thou shalt not kiss" or "above the waist you shall touch freely, but below the waist you shall not touch." Because such detailed limits are not given some will suggest that God does not care if we slip a hand under a blouse, up a skirt, or into a pair of pants. It is increasingly common for Christians to believe, and even teach others, that as long as the penis does not enter the vagina, it's "not sex."

Check your status before reading:

@Single   @Married   @Divorced   @Under 18.  The following has been prepared for the ones who checked MARRIED.

Real sex in a real world....As Ecclesiastes says, "there is nothing new under the sun," except maybe the vast array of new toys.

1-EXLUSIVE:  Having one partner in marriage-Multiple partners create mistrust, performance anxiety, and comparison evaluations that are barriers to the deepest levels of intimacy. Being exclusive creates trust and truly becoming one in mind, body and spirit.

2-AGREEMENT:  We all have different tastes, levels of interest, energy and drive. This provides the couple with the opportunity to make sacrifices for the sake of intimacy. A husband or wife may relinquish a fantasy or adjust demands on the frequency of intercourse, or try a variety of sexual experiences that go beyond his or her comfort zone. But the key here is keeping it mutually agreeable and satisfying.

Specific behaviors that often fall in the area of conflict are oral sex, rear-entry vaginal penetration, initiation of sexual activity, positions for intercourse, and mutual masturbation. I have found  no scriptural injunction against any of these or of frequency of intercourse. The Old Testament command of not having intercourse during a woman's menstrual period does seem to have the medical benefit of avoiding some infectious processes. However, in today's society we have condoms to take care of that issue.

Paul mentioned in I Corinthians not to withhold sex except by mutual consent and this seems to fit with the idea of both the husband and the wife mutually consenting. It acknowledges the legitimacy of sexual desire and reinforces the boundary of sex within marriage.

3-FUN:  Sex should be fun, it should feel good and be enjoyable!  I don't think God meant "becoming one flesh" to mean a painful boring experience where one just laid there and does the 'duty', but indeed I think God thought...hey now.. this is going to be delightful!  With today's online privacy for shoppers, couples can browse together without embarassment and find many things that will enhance and fill your 'toy' chest.

Couples should delight in sexual playfulness and creative ways to pleasure one another!

Love and Laughter,

Dawn Marie

**Note and Disclaimer**

If something is creating discomfort, it is probably treatable (such as vaginitis or painful erections). This can certainly produce barriers to intimacy. See your physician!!

Nothing should be forced upon another without consent or agreement, this is both biblical morality and legal morality.  If you or someone you know is being forced or abused in any manner, please report it to the proper authorities.